My mam has always wished she could be as skinny as she was the first time she thought she was fat - and I often wish the same for my sex life. Not necessarily that I wish I was skinny as I was when I first started banging, but I wonder how my sex life would differ if I'd stayed as thin as I was then. My first five fuck buddies, when I was 16 and a size 14, only banged me if I was fully dressed or off my face. These guys were not at the same time, but in quick succession, because as much as I hated my body back then, I have always adored getting railed. What these men did have in common, however, was their own slimness, or the kind of weight that was deemed acceptable on a guy but never a girl and not even a teenage girl from a fat family with an eating disorder to boot. From that moment on, I only fucked him while wearing an oversized hoodie.

I was 16, a size 14 and it was —long before body positivity hit the mainstream or my Tumblr feed. Now, as a year-old woman wearing a size 20, sex has changed year after year as my body has gotten bigger and the dating pool has gotten smaller. Before fucking someone new, I feel the need to address my fatness before we meet. I think this is what some guys were hoping would happen too. Avoiding belly touching makes it all the more obvious that the belly is there.

The F Word is a series celebrating what it means to be fat — from destigmatizing the word to taking stock of the discrimination fat people face. Whatever size you are — fat, skinny, or anywhere in between — you should feel comfortable and good about what you are doing, and that includes sex. Just you.